33 stories with one plot: Incest leaves scars on heart and mind

New Delhi, August 6: “My uncle began to abuse me when I was 6. He taught me by his terrible acts that sex was furtive. It took place behind bathroom and dressing room doors in a quick, shifty manner with eyes that didn’t look beyond one’s own pleasure — man’s pleasure. I remember going past his room with my heart thumping, knowing I would be called any moment and that I would have to obey because I had been taught to obey elders. I recall my fear, the knot in my stomach, the holding of my breath in hopeless attempts to somehow not be heard as I passed by, then the inevitable sound of that voice that called my name and sealed my fate for the next few endless minutes.”

An excerpt from a paper presented by RAHI, an NGO which is working in the field for nearly seven years, at a WHO/population council meeting chronicles the story of this anonymous woman, a successful enterprenuer who indulged in sex to get rid of her childhood trauma.

In and out of numerous relationships, she let herself be further abused by numerous men in her life for that is what she thought was right for her. This and 32 more such stories of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse show the effect of the trauma on their growth and relationships.

The RAHI paper, not yet published, deals with incest in middle-class Indian families. ‘‘The women who come to us are people like us. The 33 survivors, aged between 18 and 67, are English-speaking women living in Delhi and other metropolitan cities.

Only as we go up the economic strata, the sense of denial is more,’’ says Anuja Gupta, Director, RAHI.

These accounts, according to RAHI, have been supplemented with statistics from a previous study of 600 women. Out of the women selected randomly in this study, 457 had been sexually abused before 18; 325 were primarily abused by family members or persons known to them. The highest percentage was within the family — uncles and cousins (about 42 per cent) and father and brother (4 per cent each).

The study showed that confusion, followed by anger, disgust, helplessnes and fear and shame were the feelings at the time of abuse and it affected growth, development and relationships of the survivors.

‘‘Relationships and parenting are the most affected,’’ Gupta said. ‘‘The women have a very low or poor self-image.’’ Trust disappears from their relationships.

Their therapy is disclosure — it gives a feeling of relief, satisfaction, happiness, confidence and comfort — and meeting people with similar experiences.
 
Toufiq Rashid
(This Article first appeared in the newspaper - The Indian Express)