Myths and Facts
About children
M: Children or adolescents often fantasise, make up stories and lie about being sexually abused.
F: Most disclosures by children are found to be true. The fantasy theory combined with society’s denial of incest/child sexual abuse serves to blame the victim for the abuse.
M: Children provoke and seduce adults into having sex with them.
F: Children are innocent and vulnerable. They have little knowledge of sex and of adult sexuality and can in no way be held responsible for adult’s responses. This myth serves to shift responsibility from the abuser to the child.
M: Incest/child sexual abuse only happens to ‘bad’ girls; look at her behaviour; she’s not a very nice type.
F: These statements put many negative labels on to the victim in an attempt to minimise or deny the effects of incest/child sexual abuse. ‘Anti-social’ behaviours are an effect rather than a cause of sexual abuse in childhood.
M: An adolescent or an older child who possibly knows about sex and understands what is happening to her should have been able to stop it or tell someone about it.
F: No matter how old the victim is, the abuser is always more powerful. The victim is no match for the craftiness of the abuser and she does not have the resources to stop the abuse from happening or to tell someone about it, especially if the abuser is a close family member. An understanding or knowledge of sex does not in any way equip the victim to tell.
About mothers
M: Men are forced to have sex with their daughters or other children because their wives won’t have sex with them or cannot satisfy them sexually.
F: Men who sexually abuse children do so in addition to, rather than instead of, having sex with their wives. This myth shifts responsibility from the offender to his wife or the child’s mother.
M: Mothers always know, either consciously or unconsciously, that sexual abuse is happening to their child.
F: Few men are careless enough to have a witness around when they abuse. Many mothers react with shock when they learn about the abuse. Often mothers who do know about the abuse, are in no position to prevent it because of their own powerlessness.
M: It is the mother’s job to protect her children. Therefore she is equally responsible for the abuse.
F: A mother’s failure to protect her children does not mean she is responsible for the abuser’s actions. Child protection is the responsibility of every adult and does not rest solely on the mother.
About Abusers
M: Children are more likely to be abused by strangers.
F: Majority of child abusers are family members or those men that are known to the child and her family. Strangers do not have the same access over children and the opportunity to abuse that family members or known men have.
M: Abusers are abnormal, sick or mentally disturbed.
F: Abusers are in fact characterised by their normality and diversity. These labels seek to explain and excuse the actions of abusers.
M: A ‘normal’ man needs and has the right to regular sex.
F: No man’s needs give him the right to impose himself on, or demand sex from another.
About the effects of incest/child sexual abuse
M: When the incestuous relationship is deeply caring and loving, it is not harmful to the child.
F: The actual sexual encounter may be brutal or tender, painful or pleasurable, but it is always destructive to the child. The fact that the offender appears caring, gentle and loving to the child can be a very disturbing aspect of the abuse and may leave a strong legacy of self-blame, guilt and mistrust of herself and others.
M: Incest/child sexual abuse is harmless and does not affect the child adversely.
F: For any child, sexual contact with an adult, especially a trusted relative, creates a significant trauma which often has long-lasting effects.
About adult survivors
M: If the abuse really happened, survivors would have spoken about it then rather than after so many years.
F: Most survivors have found it extremely difficult as children to talk about the abuse when it was happening to them. Silence about the abuse is not an indication that it did not happen.
M: There is no point in talking about the abuse so many years later. Survivors should forget about it and move on.
F: Sexual abuse in childhood has debilitating long-term consequences on lives of adult survivors. Because of the nature and dynamics of such abuse, it is not so easy to ‘just forget’ and continue to live as if nothing has happened. Survivors have a right to heal and seek a better life for themselves.
About incest/child sexual abuse as a ‘sub culture’
M: Incest/child sexual abuse is an accepted part of some ‘sub cultures’, i.e. other cultures, the working class, poor, unemployed or uneducated families.
F: Studies amongst children and adults in various parts of the world show sexual abuse to happen in all classes and all kinds of families.
M: Incest/child sexual abuse is not common in
F: Incest/child sexual abuse is a fact of life for many women and children in